If............
1
You think "loading the dishwasher" means getting your wife drunk.
2
You ever cut your grass and found a car.
3
You own a home that is mobile and 5 cars that aren't.
4
You think the stock market has a fence around it.
5
Your stereo speakers used to belong to the Drive-in Theater.
6
Your boat has not left the drive-way in 15 years.
7
You own a homemade fur coat.
8
Chiggers are included on your list of top 5 hygiene concerns.
9
You burn your yard rather than mow it.
10
Your wife has ever said, "Come move this transmission so I can take a bath."
11
You read the Auto Trader with a highlight pen.
12
The Salvation Army declines your mattress.
13
You've ever raked leaves in your kitchen.
14
Birds are attracted to your beard.
15
Your wife's job requires her to wear an orange vest.
16
You were shooting pool when any of your kids were born.
17
You have the local taxidermist's number on speed dial.
18
You've ever hit a deer with your car...deliberately.
19
Your school fight song was "Dueling Banjos".
20
You think a chain saw is a musical instrument.
21
You've ever given rat traps as gifts.
22
You clean your fingernails with a stick.
23
Your coffee table used to be a cable spool.
24
You keep a can of RAID on the kitchen table.
25
Your wife can climb a tree faster than your cat.
26
Your mother has "ammo" on her Christmas list.
27
Every socket in your house breaks a fire code.
28
You've totaled every car you've ever owned.
29
There are more than five McDonald's bags in your car.
30
The Home Shopping operator recognizes your voice.
31
There has ever been crime-scene tape on your bathroom door.
32
You've ever been kicked out of the zoo for heckling the monkeys.
33
The taillight covers of your car are made of red tape.
34
You think a subdivision is part of a math problem.
35
You've ever bathed with flea and tick soap.
36
You think "taking out the trash" means taking your in-laws to a movie.
37
You have every episode of Hee-Haw on tape.
38
You've ever been involved in a custody fight over a hunting dog.
39
Your considered an expert on wormbeds.
40
Your kids take a siphon hose to "Show and Tell."
41
The dog catcher calls for a backup unit when visiting your house.
42
You've ever bought a used cap.
43
Your CB antenna is a danger to low-flying planes.
44
You pick your teeth from a catalog.
45
You've ever financed a tattoo.
46
You've ever stolen toilet paper.
47
You think a hot tub is a stolen bathroom fixture.
48
People hear your car a long time before they see it.
49
The gas pedal on your car is shaped like a bare foot.
50
You prefer car keys to Q-tips.
51
You take a fishing pole into Sea World.
52
You think a turtleneck is key ingredient for soup.
53
You've ever stood in line to have your picture taken with a freak of nature.
54
You think the French Riviera is foreign car.
55
You go to a stock car race and don't need a program.
56
You've ever filled your deer tag on the golf course.
57
you have ever used lard in bed.
58
you own more than 3 shirts with cut off sleeves.
59
you have ever spray-painted your girlfriends name on an overpass.
60
your lifetime goal is to own a fireworks stand.
61
someone asks to see your ID and you show them your belt buckle.
62
The primary color of your car is bondo.
63
directions to your house include "Turn off the paved road."
64
your dog and your wallet are both on a chain.
65
you owe the taxidermist more than your annual income.
66
you ever lost a tooth opening a beer bottle.
67
Jack Daniels makes you list of most admired people.
68
your wife's hairdo has ever been ruined by a ceiling fan.
69
you see no need to stop at a rest stop 'cause you have an empty milk jug.
70
you consider the fifth grade you senior year.
71
you have a rag for a gas cap.
72
the dog can't watch you eat without gagging.
73
you have a hefty bag where the window of your car should be.
74
you have ever bar-b-qued Spam on the grill.
75
your brother-in-law is also your uncle.
76
Redman Chewing Tobacco sends you a Christmas card.
77
you bought a VCR because wrestling comes on while you're at work.
78
your dad walks you to school because you're in the same grade.
79
you view the next family reunion as a chance to meet girls.
80
your wife has a beer belly and you find it attractive.
81
your front porch collapses and kills more than five dogs.
82
the main course at potluck dinners is roadkill.
83
you mow the front yard and find a car.
84
your other truck is made by John Deere.
85
you think suspenders are a type of shirt.
86
going to the bathroom at night involves shoes and a flashlight.
87
you keep a spit cup on the ironing board.
88
you ever got too drunk to fish.
89
More than one living relative is named after a southern civil war general.
90
Your front porch collapses and more than six dogs are killed.
91
You've ever used lard in bed.
92
Your home has more miles on it than your car.
93
You think that potted meat on a saltine is an hors d'ouerve.
94
There is a stuffed posum anywhere in your house.
95
You consider a six-pack and a bug-zapper high-quality entertainment.
96
Fewer than half of your cars run.
97
Your mother doesn't remove the Marlboro from her lips before telling the State Trooper to kiss her ass.
98
The primary color of your car is "bondo".
99
You honestly think that women are turned on by animal noises and seductive tongue gestures.
100
You stand under the misteletoe at christmas and wait for Granny and cousin Bobby-Sue Ellen to walk by.
101
Your family tree doesn't have any branches.
102
Your hairdo has ever been ruined by a ceiling fan.
103
Your mother has been involved in a fistfight at a high school sports event.
104
You've ever barbecued Spam on the grill.
105
The best way to keep things cold is to leave'em in the shade.
106
The neighbors started a petition over your Christmas lights.
107
Your brother-in-law is your uncle.
108
You have refused to watch the Academy Awards since "Smokey and the Bandit" was
109
snubbed for best picture.
110
Your only condiment on the dining room table is the economy size bottle of ketchup.
111
The rear tires on your car are at least twice as wide as the front ones.
112
You consider "Outdoor Life" deep reading.
113
You prominently display a gift you bought at Graceland.
114
You use the term `over yonder' more than once a month.
115
The diploma hanging in your den contains the words "Trucking Institute".
116
Your mother keeps a spit cup on the ironing board.
117
You've ever worn a tube top to a wedding.
118
Your favorite christmas present, was a painting on black velvet.
119
You think that Dom Perignon is a mafia leader.
120
The most commonly heard phrase at your family reunion is "What the hell are you looking at, Shithead?"
121
You think that beef jerky and Moon Pies are two of the major food groups.
122
You think that Campho-Phenique is a miracle drug.
123
The first words out of your mouth every time you see friends are "Howdy!" "HEY!" or "How Y'all Doin?"
124
You have more than two brothers named Bubba or Junior.
125
Your father encourages you to quit school because Larry has an opening on the lube rack.
126
You think a Volvo is part of a woman's anatomy.
127
You think that the styrofoam cooler is the greatest invention of all time.
128
You've ever been too drunk to fish.
129
You had to remove a toothpick for wedding pictures.
130
You've ever used a weedeater indoors.
131
You have a rag for a gas cap (on a car that does run).
132
You consider a family reunion a good place to pick up girls.
133
You have to go outside to get something out of the 'fridge.
134
Your richest relative invites you over to his new home to help him remove the wheels and skirt.
135
You've ever financed a tattoo.
136
Your idea of a 7 course meal is a bucket of KFC and a sixpack.
137
You go to a tupperware party for a haircut.
138
You have spray painted your girlfriend's name on an overpass.
139
Your Junior/Senior Prom had a Daycare.
140
Your dog and your wallet are both on chains.
141
Your kids are going hungry tonight because you just had to have those Yosemite Sam mudflaps.
142
You owe the taxidermist more than your annual income.
143
You have lost at least one tooth opening a beer bottle.
144
Jack Daniels makes your list of "most admired people".
145
You won't stop at a rest area if you have an empty beer can in the car.
146
Your dog can't watch you eat without gagging.
147
You have a Hefty bag on the passenger side window of your car.
148
You have a very special baseball cap, just for formal occassions.
149
You have to scratch your sisters name out of the message: "for a good time call . .", because you feel guilty about putting it there...
150
Redman sends you a Christmas card.
151
You are still holding on to Confederate money because you think the South will rise again.
152
You consider pork and beans to be a gourmet food. You have to go down to the creek to take a bath.
153
You participate in the "who can spit tobacco the farthest contest".
154
You roll you hair with soup cans and wash it once a year.
155
You consider a three piece suit to be: a pair of overalls, a plaid flannel shirt and thermal underwear.
156
There is a sheet hanging in your closet and a gun rack hanging in your truck.
157
You think the Mountain Men in deliverance were just "Misunderstood".
158
You've ever made change in the offering plate.
159
If the fifth grade is referred to as "your senior year,"
160
You consider a good tan to be the back of of your neck and the left arm below the shirt sleeve...
161
You own at least 20 baseball hats.
162
You know of at least six different ways to bend the bill of a baseball hat.
163
You can change the oil in your truck without ducking your head.
164
When you run out of gas, you put gin in the gas tank!
165
Your biggest ambition in live is to "git thet big'ole coon. The one what hangs 'round over yonder, back'ah bubba's barn..."
166
Three quarters of the clothes you own have LOGOS on them.
167
When you leave your house, you are followed by federal agents of the Beurau of Alcohol Tobbaco and Firearms, and the only thing you worry
168
about is if you can loose them or not.
169
You bought a VCR so you could tape wrestling while you are at work.
170
Your dad walks you to school because you are both in the same grade.
171
Your wife has a beer belly and you find it attractive.
172
Your house doesn't have curtains, but your truck does.
173
You have started a petition to change the National Anthem to "Georgia on My Mind".
174
You call your boss "Buddy", on a regular basis.You consider your license plate personalized because your dad made it in prison.
175
You have been fired from a construction job because of your appearance.
176
You need one more hole punched in your card to get a freebie at the House of Tattoos.
177
You need an estimate from your barber before you get a haircut.
178
After making love you ask your date to roll down the window.
179
The biggest fashion risk you take is which plaid you'll wear to the 4-H Fair.
180
You have flowers planted in a bathromm appliance in your front yard.
181
Someone in your family says "Cum'n heer an' lookit this afore I flush it."
182
Your wife weighs more then your refrigerator
183
If going to the bathroom in the middle of the night involves putting on shoes (if you have them) a jacket and grabbing a flashlight.
184
When you see a sign that says "Say No To Crack," it reminds you to pull your jeans up.
185
You go christmas shopping for your mom, sister, and girlfriend, and you only need to buy one gift
186
You are still holding on to Confederate money because you think the South will rise again.
187
You consider pork and beans to be a gourmet food. You have to go down to the creek to take a bath.
188
You participate in the "who can spit tobacco the farthest contest".
189
You roll you hair with soup cans and wash it once a year.
190
You consider a three piece suit to be: a pair of overalls, a plaid flannel shirt and thermal underwear.
191
There is a sheet hanging in your closet and a gun rack hanging in your truck.
192
You can change the oil in your truck without ducking your head.
193
You have 5 cars that are immobile and house that is!
194
You gene pool doesn't have a "deep end"
195
"Honey? Are the lights out? Is the door locked? Is the parking
196
brake set?" is what you hear right before you and your wife/girl
197
make love.
198
Your `huntin dawg' cost more than the truck you drive him around in.
199
You'd rather catch bass than get some (if you can't guess...)
200
You have a Hefty bag for a Car/Truck convertable top.
201
Your belt buckle weighs more than three pounds.
202
You think that safe sex is a padded headboard on the waterbed.
203
You have an Elvis Jell-o mold.
204
You own more cowboy boots than sneakers.
205
You've been to a funeral and there were more pick-ups than cars.
206
You have a picture of Johnny Cash, Willie Nelson, or Elvis over your fireplace.
207
You just bought an 8-track player to put in your car.
208
There are four or more cars up on blocks in the front yard.
209
The theme song at your high school prom was `Friends in Low Places'
210
It's Easier to spray weed killer on your lawn than mow it.
211
You think that John Deere Green, Ford Blue, and Primer Gray are the three of the primary colors.
212
You've ever climbed a water tower with a bucket of paint to defend your sister's honor.
213
You idea of talking during sex is "Ain't no cars coming, baby!"
214
Your vehicle has a two-tone paint job--primer red and primer gray.
215
The tobacco chewers in your family aren't just men.
216
Yer mom calls ya over t'help, cause she has a flat tire...on her house
217
The ASPCA raids yer kitchen
218
Ya have to check in the bottom yer shoe for change so ya can get grandma a new plug of tobacco
219
Foreplay consists of slipping off her saddle
220
Ya can't get married to yer sweetheart cause there is a law against it.
221
Ya celebrate groundhog day (cause ya believe in it!!)
222
You've been on TV more than 5 times describing the sound of a tornado.
223
You fish in your above-ground pool, especially if you catch something!
224
When a sign that says "Say No To Crack!" reminds you to pull up your jeans.
225
Helping your cousin, Billy-Bob, move into his new place consists of the wheels off his doublewide
226
Your beer can collection is considered a tourist attraction in your home town.
227
You know you're a redneck if you wake up with both a black eye and a hickey.
228
Getting a package from your post office requires a full tank of gas in the truck.
229
"Buck Naked Line Dancing" isn't a videotape, it's "Ladies Night" at the local bar.
230
Your wife wants to stop at the gas station to see if they've got the new Darrell Waltrip Budweiser wall clock.
231
You dated your daddy's current wife in high school.
232
You're moved to tears everytime you hear Dolly Parton singing "I Will Always Love You".
233
You've ever parked a Camero in a tree.
234
Exxon and Conoco have offered you royalties for your hair.
235
Your dad is also your favorite uncle.
236
The most serious loss from the earthquake was your Conway Twitty record collection (you insurance man is one too if he pays you for it).
237
You actually made a pyramid of cans in the pale moonlight with Alan Jackson.
238
You have spent more on your pickup truck than on your education.
239
You've ever hit a deer with your car..on purpose! "
240
You can tell your age by the number of rings in the bathtub.
241
Your mom gives you tips on how to sneak booze into sporting events.
242
The blue book value of your truck goes up and down depending on how much gas it has in it.
243
Your classes at school were cancelled because the path to the restroom was flooded.
244
On your job application under "SEX" you put "As often as possible".
245
During your senior year you and your mother had homeroom together.
246
You're a lite beer drinker, because you start drinking when it gets light.
247
On your first date you had to ask your Dad to borrow the keys to the tractor.
248
Your parakeet knows the phrase "Open up, Police!".
249
You saved lots of money on your honeymoon by going deerhunting.
250
In tough situations you ask yourself, "What would Curly do?".
251
Taking your wife on a cruise means circling the Dairy Queen.
252
You think the last words to the Star Spangled Banner are "Gentlemen, start your engines." or "Play Ball..."
253
Your child's first words are "Attention K-Mart shoppers!".
254
Your wife's best pair of shoes are steel-toed Red Wings.
255
You have a color coordinating rope that ties down your car hood.
256
You bring your dog to work with you.
257
You replace a flat tire on your truck with a tire from your house.
258
You've ever put a six-pack in a casket right before they closed it
259
Your family's No. 1 enemy is revenuers.
260
Your belt buckle doubles as a serving platter.
261
You use lava soap more than three times a day.
262
You wear cowboy boots with Bermuda shorts.
263
You have a hook in your shower to hang your hat on.
264
You buy your wife tube socks at the flea market.
265
You consider orange peels left on the coffee table as potpourri.
266
You grow flowers in an old commode in your front yard.
267
You can't take a bath because beer is iced down in your tub.
268
Your kitchen doubles as a bait store.
269
You've ever picked up a woman in a convenience store.
270
You throw a beer can out the truck window and your wife shoots it.
271
You've ever fed your date french fries in a Denny's.
272
Going to the laundromat means cleaning out the back of the truck.
273
Your family reunion features a chewing tobacco spit-off.
274
Your front porch collapses and more than six dogs are killed.
275
You think that potted meat on a saltine is an hors d'ouerve.
276
You stand under the mistletoe at christmas and wait for Granny and cousin Sue-Ellen to walk by.
277
You've ever barbecued Spam on the grill.
278
The best way to keep things cold is to leave'em in the shade.
279
The neighbors started a petition over your Christmas lights.
280
You prominently display a gift you bought at Graceland.
281
The diploma hanging in your den contains the words "Trucking Institute".
282
Your favorite Christmas present, was a painting on black velvet.
283
You had to remove a toothpick for wedding pictures.
284
You've ever used a weedeater indoors.
285
You look upon a family reunion as a chance to meet `Ms. Right'
286
You have to go outside to get something out of the 'fridge.
287
You have a very special baseball cap, just for formal occassions.
288
You consider pork and beans to be a gourmet food.
289
You have to go down to the creek to take a bath.
290
You participate in the "who can spit tobacco the farthest contest".
291
You roll you hair with soup cans and wash it once a year.
292
You have a picture of Johnny Cash, Willie Nelson, or Elvis over your fireplace.
293
You just bought an 8-track player to put in your car.
294
The theme song at your high school prom was `Friends in Low Places'
295
It's Easier to spray weed killer on your lawn than mow it.
296
You think that John Deere Green, Ford Blue, and Primer Gray are the three of the primary colors.
297
You idea of talking during sex is "Ain't no cars coming, baby!"
298
Your vehicle has a two-tone paint job--primer red and primer gray.
299
Foreplay consists of slipping off her saddle
300
You come home from the garbage dump with more than you went with...
...you might be a Coder.
Thank you Jeff Foxworthy!
Topic: 300 reasons you might be a Coder (Read 1370 times)
