Connection
We all want to feel connected to those around us. Your friendships have as much bearing on your happiness in life as does the kind of work you do or the amount of money you make. True, lifelong happiness comes from connecting with and loving others, so it's best we figure out how to do that as soon as possible and as best we can.
Activator #1: Define and Design Your Ideal Relationships
It might be useful to begin with the end in mind in your relationships - to define what you want and to endeavor to bring it into existence, so consider: What kinds of friends do I want, exactly? What kinds of lovers do I want? And how shall I attract, keep, and deepen my relationships with them?
Activator #2: Practice Positive Projection
You get what you look for: If you project positive traits and expectations onto others, not only do you notice positive traits more often, but people also tend to live up to them. When people are told that they are unusually attentive, charming, and pleasant, they themselves will start behaving that way; they will see the tired or distracted behavior as anomalous rather than as a rule about who they are. When you live your life believing that people are generally good and interesting, you will find the good and interesting aspects of every person you interact with.
In this way you stop seeing others as obstacles or competitors and instead see them as teammates or valued opponents on the road of life. When you cast someone in the negative light of "competitor," you immediately see them as an obstacle to your achieving what you want. You inject scarcity into your view of others. But when you view someone as a worthy opponent, you recognize their strengths and see understand that it is those very strengths that will help you and challenge you to engage your own strengths.
Activator #3: Find and Cultivate "Growth Friends"
The old adage is true: You can't chose family, but you can choose friends. In study after study, researchers from a variety of disciplines continually find that the quality of our immediate friendship-based relationships is one of the most important factors in determining our overall stability, mood, ambition, emotional range, growth and satisfaction in life.
Consider these questions to get an overview of your own peer group:
1. How many close, real friends do you have?
2. How often do you see them in person?
3. How often do you speak with them?
On a scale of 1 to 5,
4. How well do these close friends really know you?
5. How much do these close friends consistently encourage you to chase your dreams?
6. How much do these friends provide you with insight, information, and inspiration that challenge you to be a better person?
7. How much fun do you have when you hang out with these friends?
You might immediately see the value of categorizing your friends into old friends, maintenance friends, and growth friends. Focus more on growth friends - people who you are actively engaged with, can grow with and that energize your life - and try to lift whoever you can of your old and maintenance friends by sharing your true thoughts, feelings, and ambitions in life and for your immediate and distant future.
The way to cultivate growth friends is to be one. Role-model the types of relationships you want in life. You want love? Then be a supremely loving human being and you will find and feel love. You want real friendship? Be a passionately interested friend who brings novelty, joy, caring, adventure, and closeness to others.
Topic: Motivation Monday #10 (Read 1278 times)
