Author Topic: My BitShares X sales pitch for forums etc..  (Read 2811 times)

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Offline Empirical1

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So I am trying to help with the bitshares X introduction page.  I basically want to come up with a few existing news articles that are trying to accomplish the same thing that Empirical1 did above, but I would prefer to not use zerohedge if possible.  I have nothing against zerohedge at all, but I find that they're quite biased.  I would prefer articles that have the same effect, but come from well know media outlets.  Reuters, CNN, FOX, etc ..   I don't want to discuss what news is biased or why I don't want to use zerohedge.  I just want the page to seem authoritative and I don't think many people are familiar with zerohedge.

I'll give 2 PTS for any article I use..   Unless PTS randomly hits the moon.. I can't see using more than 3 or 4 max... if anyone has any ideas or things to google that'd be useful too...

Right now I have

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/2012%E2%80%932013_Cypriot_financial_crisis

https://www.fms.treas.gov/finrep12/finstmts/fr_fin_stmts_balance_sheets.html - US Gov net worth ~ -16 trillion

http://www.cnbc.com/id/101396252 - vague potential using very biased thinking/conclusions

 +5% Yeah I completely agree with that. ZH focus is super bearish and slightly anti-West I find.
It also wouldn't have the same effect as getting similar articles from reputable (in the publics eyes) mainstream outlets

I just used it as I read it every day and it was simple, time wise to collate all the articles.

Offline gamey

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So I am trying to help with the bitshares X introduction page.  I basically want to come up with a few existing news articles that are trying to accomplish the same thing that Empirical1 did above, but I would prefer to not use zerohedge if possible.  I have nothing against zerohedge at all, but I find that they're quite biased.  I would prefer articles that have the same effect, but come from well know media outlets.  Reuters, CNN, FOX, etc ..   I don't want to discuss what news is biased or why I don't want to use zerohedge.  I just want the page to seem authoritative and I don't think many people are familiar with zerohedge.

I'll give 2 PTS for any article I use..   Unless PTS randomly hits the moon.. I can't see using more than 3 or 4 max... if anyone has any ideas or things to google that'd be useful too...

Right now I have

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/2012%E2%80%932013_Cypriot_financial_crisis

https://www.fms.treas.gov/finrep12/finstmts/fr_fin_stmts_balance_sheets.html - US Gov net worth ~ -16 trillion

http://www.cnbc.com/id/101396252 - vague potential using very biased thinking/conclusions
I speak for myself and only myself.

Offline Empirical1

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+5% im so proud *single teardrop squeezes its way from the corner of my eye and trails down my cheek*

I'm gonna hit you with some criticism. I'm probably guilty of the same mistakes and more myself though.




Quote
Now real world currencies, commodities and stocks can be transformed into decentralised digital form & held in market-pegged, collateralised, derivative assets which are traded on a blockchain without counterparty risk or trusted price feeds.

In English, that means a multi $ Trillion multi-trillion dollar industry is about to be, um, how shall we say, 'distrupted''disrupted'...
 

Why would this be disruptive? Are these assets actually transformed, or are their prices being tracked?

Quote

The Opportunity

Given the current financial instability, geo-politicalgeopolitical tensions as well as the indebtedness (& consequent desperation) ever increasing level of debt and the resulting desperation of many governments, holding sizeable deposits of fiat, stocks or commodities is becoming increasingly risky within the current financial system. Therefore, despite being a new platform, BitShares X may need very little real-world proving under their belt, before they are seen by some very big players as an appealing hedge for a portion of their portfolio.

Indeed should those centralised risk factors get worse or even materialise - such as significant deposit confiscations - BitShares X will be in a dominant position to displace a large part of a multi $ Trillion industry multi-trillion dollar industry virtually overnight.

Might consider breaking the first sentence into two. One about the debt and desperation of nations, the other about traditional stores of value becoming an increased risk.

"despite" comes across as negative, maybe just slide the word new in there subtly to convey that fact, and shift focus to the actual point: it may not be long before big players start taking this platform seriously.

You should elaborate on the causes and effects of that logic.

"multi-trillion dollar industry" seems redundant, having already been said. maybe try phrasing it differently.


Quote

Traders

It should go without saying that the privacy*, low costs, freedom from confiscation and other advantages of trading on a blockchain will appeal to many of the hundreds of thousands of traders currently engaged in trading currencies, commodities and stocks all around the world.

* BitShares X uses TITAN - This allows for fully secure, anonymous transactions, transferred to and from easy to remember user-created, account names. 

BitShares X is also HFT algo resistant.


What is HFT algo?

How does Titan allow for those things? Is there anyway you could combine the TITAN footnote into the first paragraph? Something like "Traders with experience in the cryptocurrency world will be pleasantly surprised to learn what I mean when I mention privacy. TITAN allows blah blah blah by doing blah blah blah.

Quote

Bitcoin Retailers and Users

There are over 30K+ retailers who currently accept Bitcoin as payment; however, the vast majority, (Because of tight retail margins & Bitcoin's high relative volatility) due to tight retail margins and the relatively high volatility of Bitcoin, transition directly back to fiat via a third party service like BitPay. Many of these retailers may wish to hold a portion of their revenue in Bit-Assets such as BitUSD.

Similarly the thousands of Bitcoin and alt-coin holders may also wish to hold a portion of their fiat earnings or savings in less volatile assets such as BitUSD, BitCNY or BitGold*. (* Even though nothing beats physical gold, having a portion of their gold hedge in BitGold, which has less security (Theft) and Confiscation risk as well as no storage costs and is accessible all over the world at any time, may appeal to many.)


I actually think a semicolon might go well after 'payment,' since that's basically two sentences related to each other (can any grammar nerds verify that?)

Bitcoin beats physical gold. Appealing to gold bugs doesn't help with trying to appeal to the masses. The last sentence could probably be phrased more clearly, at first glance I thought I read that BitGold has less security than something. Parentheses become brackets when they're used inside parentheses, but you I don't think that last sentence needs to be in parentheses at all (I'm super bad about trying to overuse them as well, it's because of tangential thinking) I don't think you even need to use a footnote here either.

maybe, and im not trying to rewrite it for you, use your stylistic liberties:
"Although gold has proven itself as a reliable store of value throughout the years, choosing to store a percentage of one's gold holdings as bitGold may yield benefits such as blah blah blah,"

Quote
Existing Hotspots

Places like Ukraine, Venezuala Venezuela, Argentina, Ghana and many Asian countries have significant capital controls that already restrict the flow of capital and foreign currency. From the outset, once BitShares X is shown to be stableThe need for BitShares X to fill a void caused by these restrictions is clear, so it makes sense that there may be rapid adoption in areas like this just as they were also some of the strongest areas of initial Bitcoin adoption.

Maybe also mention something about whether a dissenting government would actually be able to truly ban it if they wanted to. I mean sure, we all know they could, but what are the consequences if they tried? Would they be shooting their own people in the foot? Would it stick? I say this because I feel like some people reading that paragraph, if they think like me, will be going "yea sure, until they get fed up and say 'enough!' like China did earlier this year"

what would be a better solution for both governments and people? (proper regulation - how could that benefit us?)

Quote
5% interest

Future versions of BitShares X will be able to offer interest/dividends to shareholders of up to 5%. In a world of extremely low yield and even negative interest rates being seriously discussed in places like the Eurozone, we believe this will be another factor that will make BitShares X extremely appealing to a wider market.


How is this interest implemented?

Here you say "future versions," but in your first paragraph you say "Now real world currencies, commodities and stocks can be transformed," which actually isn't planned until later either. It's okay, in my opinion, to write as if it were now, or to write in future tense, but whichever you choose should be consistent.

Quote
BitShares X runs on a DPOS blockchain that was conceived by Daniel Larimer and has been developed by himself and the same talented team behind BitShares X.

Link to wiki article about DPOS, or explain it a little here.

Quote
Potential risks in the current system that could positively affect the rapid adoption of BitShares X

http://www.zerohedge.com/news/2014-06-16/fed-prepares-bond-fund-runs-looking-imposing-bond-exit-fees-gates
http://www.zerohedge.com/news/2013-05-15/these-offshore-tax-havens-may-be-hazardous-your-deposit-confiscation-health
http://www.zerohedge.com/news/2014-06-26/nirp-strikes-spain-create-tax-bank-deposits
http://www.zerohedge.com/news/2013-06-07/guest-post-don%E2%80%99t-dismiss-possibility-gold-confiscation
http://www.zerohedge.com/news/2013-06-11/land-rising-bail-deposit-confiscation-coming-japan-next
http://www.zerohedge.com/news/2014-01-29/ira-confiscation-its-happening
http://www.zerohedge.com/news/2013-05-05/guest-post-short-history-currency-swaps-and-why-asset-confiscation-inevitable

Significant events just this week..

http://www.zerohedge.com/news/2014-07-10/genius-imf-pronounces-bulgarias-banks-safe-just-2-weeks-bank-run
http://www.zerohedge.com/news/2014-07-09/germany-blesses-bail-deposit-confiscation-plan-failing-eu-banks
http://www.zerohedge.com/news/2014-07-09/portugals-largest-bank-misses-bond-payment-bonds-collapse
http://www.zerohedge.com/news/2014-07-10/new-laws-allow-government-seize-savings-deposits-during-crisis

You might consider writing about some of these articles and elucidating your views about what they mean.

 +5% Thanks very much for taking the time to go through all of that! mI've quickly made most of the changes you suggested I think.

I don't think I will add my thoughts to the zerohedge links though. I think the target market will understand just from the title in the links, how each of those relate to and highlights the need for for BitShares X.

Edit: I'm not sure what to do with the 5% thing. I'll come back to that later.
« Last Edit: July 10, 2014, 09:33:10 pm by Empirical1 »

merockstar

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 +5% im so proud *single teardrop squeezes its way from the corner of my eye and trails down my cheek*

I'm gonna hit you with some criticism. I'm probably guilty of the same mistakes and more myself though.




Quote
Now real world currencies, commodities and stocks can be transformed into decentralised digital form & held in market-pegged, collateralised, derivative assets which are traded on a blockchain without counterparty risk or trusted price feeds.

In English, that means a multi $ Trillion multi-trillion dollar industry is about to be, um, how shall we say, 'distrupted''disrupted'...
 

Why would this be disruptive? Are these assets actually transformed, or are their prices being tracked?

Quote

The Opportunity

Given the current financial instability, geo-politicalgeopolitical tensions as well as the indebtedness (& consequent desperation) ever increasing level of debt and the resulting desperation of many governments, holding sizeable deposits of fiat, stocks or commodities is becoming increasingly risky within the current financial system. Therefore, despite being a new platform, BitShares X may need very little real-world proving under their belt, before they are seen by some very big players as an appealing hedge for a portion of their portfolio.

Indeed should those centralised risk factors get worse or even materialise - such as significant deposit confiscations - BitShares X will be in a dominant position to displace a large part of a multi $ Trillion industry multi-trillion dollar industry virtually overnight.

Might consider breaking the first sentence into two. One about the debt and desperation of nations, the other about traditional stores of value becoming an increased risk.

"despite" comes across as negative, maybe just slide the word new in there subtly to convey that fact, and shift focus to the actual point: it may not be long before big players start taking this platform seriously.

You should elaborate on the causes and effects of that logic.

"multi-trillion dollar industry" seems redundant, having already been said. maybe try phrasing it differently.


Quote

Traders

It should go without saying that the privacy*, low costs, freedom from confiscation and other advantages of trading on a blockchain will appeal to many of the hundreds of thousands of traders currently engaged in trading currencies, commodities and stocks all around the world.

* BitShares X uses TITAN - This allows for fully secure, anonymous transactions, transferred to and from easy to remember user-created, account names. 

BitShares X is also HFT algo resistant.


What is HFT algo?

How does Titan allow for those things? Is there anyway you could combine the TITAN footnote into the first paragraph? Something like "Traders with experience in the cryptocurrency world will be pleasantly surprised to learn what I mean when I mention privacy. TITAN allows blah blah blah by doing blah blah blah.

Quote

Bitcoin Retailers and Users

There are over 30K+ retailers who currently accept Bitcoin as payment; however, the vast majority, (Because of tight retail margins & Bitcoin's high relative volatility) due to tight retail margins and the relatively high volatility of Bitcoin, transition directly back to fiat via a third party service like BitPay. Many of these retailers may wish to hold a portion of their revenue in Bit-Assets such as BitUSD.

Similarly the thousands of Bitcoin and alt-coin holders may also wish to hold a portion of their fiat earnings or savings in less volatile assets such as BitUSD, BitCNY or BitGold*. (* Even though nothing beats physical gold, having a portion of their gold hedge in BitGold, which has less security (Theft) and Confiscation risk as well as no storage costs and is accessible all over the world at any time, may appeal to many.)


I actually think a semicolon might go well after 'payment,' since that's basically two sentences related to each other (can any grammar nerds verify that?)

Bitcoin beats physical gold. Appealing to gold bugs doesn't help with trying to appeal to the masses. The last sentence could probably be phrased more clearly, at first glance I thought I read that BitGold has less security than something. Parentheses become brackets when they're used inside parentheses, but you I don't think that last sentence needs to be in parentheses at all (I'm super bad about trying to overuse them as well, it's because of tangential thinking) I don't think you even need to use a footnote here either.

maybe, and im not trying to rewrite it for you, use your stylistic liberties:
"Although gold has proven itself as a reliable store of value throughout the years, choosing to store a percentage of one's gold holdings as bitGold may yield benefits such as blah blah blah,"

Quote
Existing Hotspots

Places like Ukraine, Venezuala Venezuela, Argentina, Ghana and many Asian countries have significant capital controls that already restrict the flow of capital and foreign currency. From the outset, once BitShares X is shown to be stableThe need for BitShares X to fill a void caused by these restrictions is clear, so it makes sense that there may be rapid adoption in areas like this just as they were also some of the strongest areas of initial Bitcoin adoption.

Maybe also mention something about whether a dissenting government would actually be able to truly ban it if they wanted to. I mean sure, we all know they could, but what are the consequences if they tried? Would they be shooting their own people in the foot? Would it stick? I say this because I feel like some people reading that paragraph, if they think like me, will be going "yea sure, until they get fed up and say 'enough!' like China did earlier this year"

what would be a better solution for both governments and people? (proper regulation - how could that benefit us?)

Quote
5% interest

Future versions of BitShares X will be able to offer interest/dividends to shareholders of up to 5%. In a world of extremely low yield and even negative interest rates being seriously discussed in places like the Eurozone, we believe this will be another factor that will make BitShares X extremely appealing to a wider market.


How is this interest implemented?

Here you say "future versions," but in your first paragraph you say "Now real world currencies, commodities and stocks can be transformed," which actually isn't planned until later either. It's okay, in my opinion, to write as if it were now, or to write in future tense, but whichever you choose should be consistent.

Quote
BitShares X runs on a DPOS blockchain that was conceived by Daniel Larimer and has been developed by himself and the same talented team behind BitShares X.

Link to wiki article about DPOS, or explain it a little here.

Quote
Potential risks in the current system that could positively affect the rapid adoption of BitShares X

http://www.zerohedge.com/news/2014-06-16/fed-prepares-bond-fund-runs-looking-imposing-bond-exit-fees-gates
http://www.zerohedge.com/news/2013-05-15/these-offshore-tax-havens-may-be-hazardous-your-deposit-confiscation-health
http://www.zerohedge.com/news/2014-06-26/nirp-strikes-spain-create-tax-bank-deposits
http://www.zerohedge.com/news/2013-06-07/guest-post-don%E2%80%99t-dismiss-possibility-gold-confiscation
http://www.zerohedge.com/news/2013-06-11/land-rising-bail-deposit-confiscation-coming-japan-next
http://www.zerohedge.com/news/2014-01-29/ira-confiscation-its-happening
http://www.zerohedge.com/news/2013-05-05/guest-post-short-history-currency-swaps-and-why-asset-confiscation-inevitable

Significant events just this week..

http://www.zerohedge.com/news/2014-07-10/genius-imf-pronounces-bulgarias-banks-safe-just-2-weeks-bank-run
http://www.zerohedge.com/news/2014-07-09/germany-blesses-bail-deposit-confiscation-plan-failing-eu-banks
http://www.zerohedge.com/news/2014-07-09/portugals-largest-bank-misses-bond-payment-bonds-collapse
http://www.zerohedge.com/news/2014-07-10/new-laws-allow-government-seize-savings-deposits-during-crisis

You might consider writing about some of these articles and elucidating your views about what they mean.
« Last Edit: July 10, 2014, 09:06:18 pm by merockstar »

Offline Empirical1

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Do you think I should go into how the market peg works, if it will work etc?
Definitely. It's the big question every smart people will ask themselves.

I tried to promote Bitshares X some months ago but people where dubious about the existence of the market peg. You will probably get the same reaction. Even myself, I will only believe in it once I see it working.

 +5% Cool, I put in a little paragraph about the market peg towards the end. Do you think it's enough for now.

Offline Empirical1

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looking good so far!

and now for a few nitpicky suggestions :) - move the raven/mystique pic down below the 'Now real world currencies...' or 'In english...' blurbs. the first time I read through the post, i thought to myself "why am i looking at Raven right now???" and it became a lot more clear after the next 2 sentences

next, I think the * footnotes interrupt the flow of the pitch. here's an edit I made, i think it might flow a bit better:


Traders


It should go without saying that the privacy, freedom from confiscation and other advantages of trading on a blockchain will appeal to many of the hundreds of thousands of traders currently engaged in trading currencies, commodities and stocks all around the world.

In order to support such trading activities, BitShares X introduces TITAN - A brand new privacy feature which allows for fully secure, anonymous transactions, transferred to and from easy to remember user-created, account names.

 +5% Great suggestions, thank you.

You think Mystique should be there at all?

It doesn't make much sense now. Initially I was going to call them 'polymorphic digital assets' & use this image, which would have made more sense



But maybe it doesn't need silly pics.

I was also going to use Godzilla coming out of the waves underneath 'BitShares X. It's coming...


Offline BldSwtTrs

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Do you think I should go into how the market peg works, if it will work etc?
Definitely. It's the big question every smart people will ask themselves.

I tried to promote Bitshares X some months ago but people where dubious about the existence of the market peg. You will probably get the same reaction. Even myself, I will only believe in it once I see it working.
« Last Edit: July 10, 2014, 08:31:25 pm by BldSwtTrs »

Offline solaaire

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looking good so far!

and now for a few nitpicky suggestions :) - move the raven/mystique pic down below the 'Now real world currencies...' or 'In english...' blurbs. the first time I read through the post, i thought to myself "why am i looking at Raven right now???" and it became a lot more clear after the next 2 sentences

next, I think the * footnotes interrupt the flow of the pitch. here's an edit I made, i think it might flow a bit better:


Traders


It should go without saying that the privacy, freedom from confiscation and other advantages of trading on a blockchain will appeal to many of the hundreds of thousands of traders currently engaged in trading currencies, commodities and stocks all around the world.

In order to support such trading activities, BitShares X introduces TITAN - A brand new privacy feature which allows for fully secure, anonymous transactions, transferred to and from easy to remember user-created, account names.

Offline Empirical1

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I want to post this on a forum or two myself, so if there any inaccuracies or improvements you can think of please let me know.

I'm just finding people aren't really grasping what a big deal BitShares X could be. So I'm trying to think of a way to explain the opportunity and generate interest and if they want to learn more about it, they can come to the here or to the bitshares-x.info site.
Do you think I should go into how the market peg works, if it will work etc?
« Last Edit: July 10, 2014, 07:50:29 pm by Empirical1 »

Offline Empirical1

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                                                                               BitShares X


A decentralised bank & exchange which allows the trading of derivative assets that track the value of real world counterparts.

Now real world currencies, commodities and stocks can be tracked in decentralised digital form & held in market-pegged, collateralised, derivative assets which are traded on a blockchain without counterparty risk or trusted price feeds.


The Opportunity

Given the current global financial instability, geopolitical tensions & high levels of government debt, holding sizeable deposits of fiat, stocks or commodities is becoming increasingly risky within the current financial system. Therefore, BitShares X may need very little real-world proving under its belt, before it is seen by some very big players as an appealing hedge for a portion of their portfolio.

Indeed should those centralised risk factors get worse or even materialise - such as significant deposit confiscations - BitShares X will be in a dominant position to displace a large part of a multi-trillion dollar industry virtually overnight.

Target Markets

Traders

It should go without saying that the privacy, low costs, freedom from confiscation and other advantages of trading on a blockchain will appeal to many of the hundreds of thousands of traders currently engaged in trading currencies, commodities and stocks all around the world.

In order to support such trading activities, BitShares X introduces TITAN - A brand new privacy feature which allows for fully secure, anonymous transactions, transferred to and from easy to remember user-created, account names.
 
Bitcoin Retailers and Users

There are over 30K+ retailers who currently accept Bitcoin as payment; however the vast majority, due to tight retail margins and the relatively high volatility of Bitcoin,  transition directly back to fiat via a third party service like BitPay. Many of these retailers may wish to hold a portion of their revenue in Bit-Assets such as BitUSD.

Similarly the thousands of Bitcoin and alt-coin holders may also wish to hold a portion of their fiat earnings or savings in less volatile assets such as BitUSD, BitCNY or BitGold.

Existing Hotspots

Places like Ukraine, Venezuela, Argentina, Ghana and many Asian countries have significant capital controls that already restrict the flow of capital and foreign currency. The need for BitShares X to fill a void caused by these restrictions is clear, so it makes sense that there may be rapid adoption in areas like this, as they were also some of the strongest areas of initial Bitcoin adoption.

5% interest p.a.

Due to reduced costs and low overheads, BitShares X will be able to vastly undercut real world banks & exchanges with regards to transaction, market, inactivity and margin-call fees, while at the same time being able to pay shareholders dividends of up to 5% p.a.
In a world of extremely low yield and even negative interest rates being seriously discussed in places like the Eurozone, we believe this will be another factor that will make BitShares X extremely appealing to a wider market.


BitShares X runs on a DPOS blockchain that was conceived by Daniel Larimer and has been developed by himself and the same talented team behind BitShares X. http://bitshares.org/delegated-proof-of-stake/





Potential risks in the current system that could positively affect the rapid adoption of BitShares X

http://www.zerohedge.com/news/2014-06-16/fed-prepares-bond-fund-runs-looking-imposing-bond-exit-fees-gates
http://www.zerohedge.com/news/2013-05-15/these-offshore-tax-havens-may-be-hazardous-your-deposit-confiscation-health
http://www.zerohedge.com/news/2014-06-26/nirp-strikes-spain-create-tax-bank-deposits
http://www.zerohedge.com/news/2013-06-07/guest-post-don%E2%80%99t-dismiss-possibility-gold-confiscation
http://www.zerohedge.com/news/2013-06-11/land-rising-bail-deposit-confiscation-coming-japan-next
http://www.zerohedge.com/news/2014-01-29/ira-confiscation-its-happening
http://www.zerohedge.com/news/2013-05-05/guest-post-short-history-currency-swaps-and-why-asset-confiscation-inevitable

Significant events just this week..

http://www.zerohedge.com/news/2014-07-10/genius-imf-pronounces-bulgarias-banks-safe-just-2-weeks-bank-run
http://www.zerohedge.com/news/2014-07-09/germany-blesses-bail-deposit-confiscation-plan-failing-eu-banks
http://www.zerohedge.com/news/2014-07-09/portugals-largest-bank-misses-bond-payment-bonds-collapse
http://www.zerohedge.com/news/2014-07-10/new-laws-allow-government-seize-savings-deposits-during-crisis

The Market Peg

Digital assets should be able to be pegged to their real world counterparts by leveraging the accuracy and efficiency of prediction markets with high collateral required short positions & minimum market depth requirements. Initially BitShares X will focus the trading efforts and market depth on only a few assets until the system has proven robust & secure.

http://wiki.bitshares.org/index.php/Market_Peg

BitShares X is currently pre-trading on bter and BTC38 under 'BTSX' and is expected to be released within the month.


BitShares X. It's coming...


                             






                         

                                 
« Last Edit: July 11, 2014, 01:15:34 am by Empirical1 »