Well done! I like all parts I didnt quote here
That said I think that there are a few
red flags that require some work.
The relation between BTS prototype and BTS family is not that super clear to me. Maybe it would help to name examples for each. I understood it this way: BTS Prototype is any Proto share that give you a stake in a new DAC released. A BTS family is a parent DAC that is already technologically specific for a certain type of DAC function and can be forked/tweaked to make more complex/more specific applications.
Developers! Don’t give your shares away to the general public who will mostly just dump them for
pizza — and suppress your price. Give them instead to BTS prototype share holders who have proven
they will buy and hold them,
and buy more of them
— boosting your price!
The Larimer folks are the most trustworthy I can think of.
But if I would know nothing about bitshares/invictus and the newsletter would be the first thing I read I would find the above paragraph very suspicious!!
Maybe something more subtle like: "PTS/AGS holders have proven to be long term investors in innovative projects. Appealing to a shareholder group of trend and value seekers, avoiding pump and dump cycles, can be a benefit in itself for your venture."
<-- Style: Let the reader make the final conclusion himself!
In general I would avoid exaggerations like
quadruple
....and many more. Invictus tends to promise a lot always. Such exaggerations
come across as suspiciousin itself ("to good to be true") and bring the potential of disappointment. I am not saying that they are suspicous if you know all the context but it cames across as such to someone new to all this! Maybe that is just my over critical attitude.
Most alt coins have value for speculative reasons only.
90% + of Bitcoin's value is a speculation on its future use for ecomerce and remittance as well. It would also be wrong to claim that the valuation of all Invictus DACs and ProtoXXX are not speculation. Nothing works yet. No blame there but we should be accurate and fair. Everything else comes accross as arrogant ans suspicious!! Please take that serious. Offtopic: BM's and Toast's video about BTS DNS was nice but reveived some reasonable criticism for it's disrespect towards Namecoin.
Dont make yourself enemies if you don't have to. That all comes back!!! Let's be polite and fact based. Like penny stocks, they start out so cheap they
simply have to go up! (And if they don’t, you haven’t lost much.)
Not true. If you want to gain much from a penny stock you also have to invest much, so you can lose lots.
And they dont have to go up. With this claim you say that the (penny) stock market's effeciency is zero. If it is not zero it is not clear what the penny stock will do and the penny stock price is not so far away from a fair value price.
Don't make false statements in your own field of expertise! But it’s rational hype based on something tangible.
I would say: "But it’s
a rational hype based on the ability of the digital company to make profits." (name what you want to say if you can)
You can even keep them all for your own greedy personal gain (if you really think that will make your DAC successful)
Leave out "greedy". Suspicion / an attack towards developers that read it rigth from the start is not good.
Eddie has worked for the major label system
"a" or "the" label system?
Overall: Keep the explanations simple (whenever possible) and avoid exaggerations that look scamy.