It starts with.. what is .p2p? It is.. "decentralized top level domain, and an alternative to the traditional DNS system"
Why not just start with ".p2p is a new domain name system" .. "domain names are, .. [introduce by example].."
Then transition to OLD versus NEW comparison
No need to say "a few.. important improvement" .. just "important improvements"
"in contrast to OLD, NEW is decentralized"
32-48s is good.
50s explain "domain name squatting" either the voice or graphic or combination must explain what this is, what is going on, why it is bad.
58 "enables global price discovery ... this mechanic helps accurately price domains as well as incentivizes honest market participation" can't you say this in a lighter way?
how about using something like the graphic from 33s in the bitshares.org video to explain how the centralized OLD domain name authority can be decentralized. in the first picture, the ICANN icon can be on the top, with the users all trading "up," and in the NEW the auction can be centered between them..
just some random thoughts, make your harshest critic your best friend huh