im so proud *single teardrop squeezes its way from the corner of my eye and trails down my cheek*
I'm gonna hit you with some criticism. I'm probably guilty of the same mistakes and more myself though.
Now real world currencies, commodities and stocks can be transformed into decentralised digital form & held in market-pegged, collateralised, derivative assets which are traded on a blockchain without counterparty risk or trusted price feeds.
In English, that means a
multi $ Trillion multi-trillion dollar industry is about to be, um, how shall we say, 'distrupted''disrupted'...
Why would this be disruptive? Are these assets actually transformed, or are their prices being tracked?
Given the current financial instability,
geo-politicalgeopolitical tensions as well as the indebtedness (& consequent desperation) ever increasing level of debt and the resulting desperation of many governments, holding sizeable deposits of fiat, stocks or commodities is becoming increasingly risky within the current financial system. Therefore, despite being a new platform, BitShares X may need very little real-world proving under their belt, before they are seen by some very big players as an appealing hedge for a portion of their portfolio.
Indeed should those centralised risk factors get worse or even materialise - such as significant deposit confiscations - BitShares X will be in a dominant position to displace a large part of a
multi $ Trillion industry multi-trillion dollar industry virtually overnight.
Might consider breaking the first sentence into two. One about the debt and desperation of nations, the other about traditional stores of value becoming an increased risk.
"despite" comes across as negative, maybe just slide the word new in there subtly to convey that fact, and shift focus to the actual point: it may not be long before big players start taking this platform seriously.
You should elaborate on the causes and effects of that logic.
"multi-trillion dollar industry" seems redundant, having already been said. maybe try phrasing it differently.
It should go without saying that the privacy*, low costs, freedom from confiscation and other advantages of trading on a blockchain will appeal to many of the hundreds of thousands of traders currently engaged in trading currencies, commodities and stocks all around the world.
* BitShares X uses TITAN - This allows for fully secure, anonymous transactions, transferred to and from easy to remember user-created, account names.
BitShares X is also HFT algo resistant.
What is HFT algo?
How does Titan allow for those things? Is there anyway you could combine the TITAN footnote into the first paragraph? Something like "Traders with experience in the cryptocurrency world will be pleasantly surprised to learn what I mean when I mention privacy. TITAN allows blah blah blah by doing blah blah blah.
Bitcoin Retailers and Users
There are over 30K+ retailers who currently accept Bitcoin as payment; however, the vast majority,
(Because of tight retail margins & Bitcoin's high relative volatility) due to tight retail margins and the relatively high volatility of Bitcoin, transition directly back to fiat via a third party service like BitPay. Many of these retailers may wish to hold a portion of their revenue in Bit-Assets such as BitUSD.
Similarly the thousands of Bitcoin and alt-coin holders may also wish to hold a portion of their fiat earnings or savings in less volatile assets such as BitUSD, BitCNY or BitGold*. (* Even though nothing beats physical gold, having a portion of their gold hedge in BitGold, which has less security (Theft) and Confiscation risk as well as no storage costs and is accessible all over the world at any time, may appeal to many.)
I actually think a semicolon might go well after 'payment,' since that's basically two sentences related to each other (can any grammar nerds verify that?)
Bitcoin beats physical gold. Appealing to gold bugs doesn't help with trying to appeal to the masses. The last sentence could probably be phrased more clearly, at first glance I thought I read that BitGold has less security than something. Parentheses become brackets when they're used inside parentheses, but you I don't think that last sentence needs to be in parentheses at all (I'm super bad about trying to overuse them as well, it's because of tangential thinking) I don't think you even need to use a footnote here either.
maybe, and im not trying to rewrite it for you, use your stylistic liberties:
"Although gold has proven itself as a reliable store of value throughout the years, choosing to store a percentage of one's gold holdings as bitGold may yield benefits such as blah blah blah,"
Places like Ukraine,
Venezuala Venezuela, Argentina, Ghana and many Asian countries have significant capital controls that already restrict the flow of capital and foreign currency. From the outset, once BitShares X is shown to be stableThe need for BitShares X to fill a void caused by these restrictions is clear, so it makes sense that there may be rapid adoption in areas like this just as they were also some of the strongest areas of initial Bitcoin adoption.
Maybe also mention something about whether a dissenting government would actually be able to truly ban it if they wanted to. I mean sure, we all know they could, but what are the consequences if they tried? Would they be shooting their own people in the foot? Would it stick? I say this because I feel like some people reading that paragraph, if they think like me, will be going "yea sure, until they get fed up and say 'enough!' like China did earlier this year"
what would be a better solution for both governments and people? (proper
regulation - how could that benefit us?)
Future versions of BitShares X will be able to offer interest/dividends to shareholders of up to 5%. In a world of extremely low yield and even negative interest rates being seriously discussed in places like the Eurozone, we believe this will be another factor that will make BitShares X extremely appealing to a wider market.
How is this interest implemented?
Here you say "future versions," but in your first paragraph you say "Now real world currencies, commodities and stocks can be transformed," which actually isn't planned until later either. It's okay, in my opinion, to write as if it were now, or to write in future tense, but whichever you choose should be consistent.
BitShares X runs on a DPOS blockchain that was conceived by Daniel Larimer and has been developed by himself and the same talented team behind BitShares X.
Link to wiki article about DPOS, or explain it a little here.
Potential risks in the current system that could positively affect the rapid adoption of BitShares X
Significant events just this week..
You might consider writing about some of these articles and elucidating your views about what they mean.