I'm only here because I've been banned everywhere else.
... I plan on being waterboarded in secret
My God, fingerman, you've done it. You've hit upon the magic formula that will make Bitshares go apeshit viral! Forget the secret part. If you plan to be waterboarded, then please DO IT IN PUBLIC. In a toilet. You have worshiped the porcelain goddess in vain after over-imbibing; now you must worship her as a true acolyte.
You can be the taxi driver in Tunisia who set himself ablaze and triggered the Arab Spring uprisings all across North Africa and the Middle East. (At last check, they've accomplished absolutely nothing, but that's beside the point. And who wants to burn to death anyway.) You're our flashpoint!
When you become the first apostle to be baptized in a toilet bowl, imagine the POWER of that notion! We'll have scads of people lining up to be dunked. Celebrities will say 'fuck the ice bucket challenge, I'm going to get baptized today! Flush away my sins for a greater purpose!'
What is voluntary waterboarding if not self-sacrifice?
We can raise millions for the secret aid society and draw millions of new users to BitShares. Our common purposes? Someone else figure that out, but at least there's method to the madness: everyone gets dunked. Baptism by flush.